Britney Reveals Dark Secret

Teen Pop Sensation Britney Spears revealed a dark side to her otherwise
unblemished character last night.  In a hastily convened press conference, she
read a prepared statement in a wavering voice.
"As a platinum selling, world-famous, God-fearing, international superstar,
many believe me to be utterly without flaw.  However, before I launch my next
album, I feel that there are some things about me that you just have to know."

Ms Spears, 33, then proceeded to read a list of personal confessions the like
of which had never been heard before by the assembled members of the press.
"1.  Sometimes I run"  At this, there were audible gasps from the papparazzi as
the room exploded in a lightning storm of flashbulbs to capture this dramatic
revelation.  However, she did not stop there, but continued: "2. Sometimes I
hide".  Several members of the audience fainted.

Undaunted but breathing unsteadily, the bubblegum pop harlot continued her evil
list of dark secrets.  "3. Sometimes I'm scared of you."  Several of the most
devoted members of Ms Spears fan club walked out, tearing up their pictures of
her in disgust.  But she had saved the worst till last.  "4.  But all I really
wanna do is to hold you tight,"  She continued over the mounting hubbub, "treat
you right".  By this point the room was in uproar, with journalists shouting
questions about the details of these amazing personal revelations.  "Be with
you day and night.  Thank you for your time, I will not be taking any
questions."  At this the young pop slattern broke down and was led away by her
clearly repulsed bodyguards.

Although some will admire her candour, few believe that Britney Spears has any
future following these statements.   It takes a brave woman to admit to such
things, but the music industry does not reward bravery, and considering the
mass burning of Britney Spears merchandise by her once loyal fan clubs
following yesterday's press conference, it seems unlikely that she has any
future as a global superstar.  The last teen idols to make a comparable
announcement were Shampoo, when they shockingly revealed that they were in
Trouble.  And who remembers Shampoo these days?