Headlines only

"Fear of insomnia keeps me awake at night"

"Ironic" purchase of Bagpuss video not ironic at all

20 pairs of pants means laundry day comes just twice a term

A recipe for disaster -- how to make anthrax

After much debate, another night in the bar

All cutlery in house is from Kaleidoscope

Amusing email forwarded to whole addressbook

And through it all she offers me protection -- special report on contraception

Ant and Dec to present new TV show

Argument over TV channel choice ends in sulking

Assistance with computer yields thanks but no sexual favours

Atomic Kitten perform Schroedinger's Cat

Become a chiropodist and join a growth profession

Bill Gates cursed when essay is accidentally deleted

Campus strangely quiet in vacation

Cigar makes historian look like a twat

Cleaning rota abandoned after one week

Common ground found with Children's TV 

Condom in wallet passes use-by date

Controversial speech greeted by silence at mimes' conference

Credit card limit reached

Economics essay is a total nightmare

Essay completion celebrated with stella

'Eternal flame' goes out

Fire alarm is false alarm

First attempt at cookery ends in disaster

5ive will make you get down

Sorrowful farewell wished to Miss A. Pie

Freshers compare A-levels taken

Friend from Bristol comes to visit

'Friends' not as good as it used to be

Geri Halliwell seeks attention

Goalkeeper killed by sudden death penalty

Hi!  My name is... Jim Shady

Hockey player drinks whilst thinking

How you can make me whole again

I do not really like it; it is not wicked

Important passages underlined in sex manual

Independent Woman is a Survivor

Invitation back for coffee declined

It's official: there's nothing on TV

Jamie Oliver is a tosser

Jamie Theakston's Old, Peculiar

Judge demands longer sentences

Kate Thornton on TV again

Kitchen is worst that cleaner has ever known

Lecturer accidentally makes amusing 'quote'

Man dies from allergy to air

Mathematician has never been to library, actually

Milk stolen - everyone a suspect

Milosevic: the lighter side of genocide

Missed lecture: notes photocopied

Missed opportunity rued

Mobile has low batteries

Music makes the people come together

Mystery of low attendance for Tuesday 9am finally solved

Never been to Decadance -- and proud of it!

New mobile phone has Hello Kitty cover

New reality-quiz-docu-soap "too complex for TV"

No 'I' in team, scientists discover

No one claims responsibility for vomit

'No Skating' sign inspires disobedience

NUS card photo is unflattering

One hour spent in Kenilworth

Oops... I did it again

Party at someone's place in Leamington on Friday

Physicist prefers Willow to Buffy

Play audience all friends of cast

Pop charts full of crap these days

Poster Sale is last this year

Purple hair is cry for help

'Random' event occurs

Shit Happens - photo exclusive

Shower busy, deodarant used instead

Stars reached for

State of the art computer "mainly used for Freecell"

Still no new mail one hour later

Stuart MacConie gives his opinion

Stud Farm fails to live up to name

Student asks "Do we have to know this for the exam"

Student band changes name

Student loan spent entirely on alcopops

Teenage Dirtbag listens to Iron Maiden

The big decision: Cov or Leam?

The drugs don't work?  Puff on joint has no effect on chemist

The people for whom water spells death -- special report on dyslexia

To watch is to condone

Trip is planned to Tesco's

TV makeover leaves woman looking worse

'Vital' course textbook never gets read

Why all physics is wrong

Zebra camoflaged on Zebra crossing