Warwick Media Blasted in High Profile Speech

The standard of Warwick University's Student Media was described as "shit" by
Mark Chthulu in a keynote speech to his housemate last night.  Brandishing a
copy of the Warwick Boar, Chthulu described the quality of news reporting as
"crap".  "Don't get me started on the rest of it," he warned, before getting
started on the rest of it.  "It's a pile of shit, I never read it."  The Word,
containing listings and news from the Union, was decribed as "shit".  The
student radio station and student cinema did not escape Chthulu's razor sharp
analysis, being described as "crap" and "shit" respectively.

Reaction to the speech has been swift and decisive.  The editor of the Boar,
looking visibly shaken, gave a press conference (to Boar reporters).  "We have
struggled long and hard, and sacrificed our degrees to produce what we thought
was a professional newspaper.  We thought we had succeeded.  However, thanks to
Mark Chthulu's incisive commments, I now realise that I have instead been
producing a tedious pile of crap every week.  With a few carefully chosen
words, he has revealed that despite the work of dozens of reporters, feature
writers, photographers and production staff, not one word of one article has
been worthy of his time.  We have failed.  I have no option but to close the
Warwick Boar permanently.  We all apologise to Mr Chthulu for wasting his
time."

Later the same day came an announcement that The Word would also cease
production and that RaW would be replaced with a computerised music selection
with no human intervention.  "It was just like the Emperor's New Clothes," said
one ex-DJ, "I suddenly realised that I was completely untalented.  And naked."

Chthulu's audience, his housemate Stu, was less impressed.  "Mark says this
every week, but he still never misses an issue of the Boar.  Basically, he's
full of crap and talks a load of shit."