Top Tips -- Putting on a play

1. Choose a play which demonstrates the range and ability of your cast by
including lots of shouting. 

2. The sexual allure of the "casting couch" is a myth, at least in student
drama.  You have to wait for the after-show party. 

3. If you're too lazy to spend a few hours in the library photocopying a play,
then get your cast to "devise" a play.

4. Devising a play involves choosing a situation you don't understand -- say, a
married couple in their forties -- and put them in a setting you don't
understand -- say, Ireland during the troubles.  Then get them to shout at each
other. 

5. If you don't want to devise a play, then choose a play with lots of pauses
so that there is less dialogue to learn (try anything by Harold Pinter).  Get
your cast to emphasise the pauses by shouting their few lines.

6. A good set really adds to the immersive power of theatre, and can engage
your audience.  On the other hand, it can be expensive and time consuming to
construct.  So don't bother.

7. You don't want people to find your serious work of art amusing.  The secret
of good comedy is timing.  Therefore, ensure that your cast has absolutely no
sense of timing. 

8. If possible, choose a play which transports your audience to another world,
by getting your cast to perform in bad American, Australian or Irish accents.
And then shout at each other a lot. 

9. During rehearsals, give off the impression that this play is absolutely the
most important thing in the world, and that anything or anyone that impedes the
production of the play is committing a crime against humanity.  Get your cast
to shout at them. 

10.  If you remember only one thing from this guide then remember this: SHOUT!