Fresher achieves solo orgasm

The scientific establishment is in uproar following claims that a first year
Warwick University student achieved solo orgasm last night.

The fresher, Hugh Anchor, claims that shortly after midnight last night he
reached orgasm -- while completely on his own.  He claims that his technique,
which he refers to as "manual stimulation", is simple, requires only common
household objects, and can be replicated under laboratory conditions.

Anchor claims that a chain of events came together that night to bring on his
astounding discovery.  He was attending Top Banana, a Warwick University
Students Union-organised discotheque, when the presence of members of the
opposite sex wearing provocative clothing and gyrating to the "cheesy" music
caused him to become sexually aroused.  He then returned to his room in the
Rootes residences where he proceeded to "manually stimulate" his genital organs
in a fashion which he plans to demonstrate to scientists later today.  After
some minutes of this repetitive action behind closed doors he claims that
orgasm was achieved.

The establishment has reacted with caution to this announcement.  "We all
remember the furore after Ponds and Fleischmann claimed to have created cold
fusion in a test tube," remarked a solo sexual activity specialist from the
mathematics department, "but no one could reproduce their results.  Of course,
it's every scientists fantasy to achieve an orgasm in a test tube, but we
mustn't let our excitement go to our heads.  We have to get a grip and knuckle
down to some serious probing."  Experiments are planned to determine whether
Manual Stimulation, or "wanking", as it has been dubbed by its inventor,
depends on certain conditions.  "Perhaps you need to go to Top Banana to be a
wanker," explained Anchor, "or perhaps it's living in Rootes.  At this stage,
we just don't know."

It is also in doubt whether laboratory results will be sufficiently convincing.
"It's all very well to claim that solo orgasm is possible," said one sceptic,
"but if someone achieves orgasm while surrounded by scientists in white coats
and holding clipboards, then they aren't alone, are they?  It's like one of
those paradoxes, like if a tree falls in the forest, does anyone hear?  Or what
is the sound of one hand clapping?"

Coincidentally, although Anchor is currently unwilling to make public the
method of manual stimulation, he has likened the process to "one hand
clapping".  At a press conference, he would not give any more details: "I'll
tell you when I'm good and ready!" he ejaculated.